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An Untitled Vampire Dystopian

O N E – KATYA

I was only 10 years old when a sect of vampires had made themselves known. Their leader, Christian Korsakoff was true to his first name- friendly, adapting, and a donated & animal blood consumer. 

They were small in numbers but an elite class. Despite being powerful they were a supposedly dying race. They had established Rathke’s Institute of Alternative Solutions wherein they researched synthetic blood among other things that kept their species going. 

I had a difficult time comprehending the public sentiment back then. We were in an all-out defensive mode, completely dismissing any step towards understanding them. 

My father worked at Rathke’s. Once he brought me to his laboratory since he had some urgent work at the institute. Surprisingly, the vampires had been kind to me. They looked like humans except for their pale, almost transparent skin and white or black hair. I’d never seen their hair in any other shade except those two. 

People feared and rebuked them unnecessarily. A social boycott by the humans led to the vampires living in their own isolated multi-gated colonies. The tipping point was when an elderly vampire lady was found dead in an alleyway. Apparently she had come out to buy some groceries that the vampire stores had run out of. It led to a drastic chain of events. 

The previously divided vampire community protested together. Divided because there was another sect that had stayed in the shadows. The core of the humans’ protests was weak because neither of the vampire sects had harmed any humans. Not that we knew of any. 

The human government asked for complete public exposure & data on every vampire in existence. The vampires asked for donated blood and assimilation in return. Data & censuses had always been precious to humans. Korsakoff was offering data about a highly-feared community. Or at least it seemed so.

There was a rift between the two vampire sects. But Christian Korsakoff was no fool. He was able to show their dire extinction-driven situation to the opposing sect that wanted vampires to remain concealed. 

The latter came to be known as Shadows. While the pro-assimilation sect came to be known as Dawns. Fortunately, their civil war-like circumstance didn’t lead to any casualties. Either that, or it was covered up. I had some authentic sources to back this so I’d go with the fact that Korsakoff had meticulously executed his plans.

Their assimilation started with Blood ATMs. Perfectly maintained kiosks that let vampires take a blood bag for a good sum of money. These were set up in specifically in the vampire or vampire populous communities. Vampires donated money was donated to human blood donors. Anonymity was maintained on both sides. This helped the poorer sections of human society. Most vampires were filthy rich given their accumulated wealth over centuries. 

Then came the law that there would be at least four vampire representatives elected from the four vampire majority districts. It was then that I realized that I lived in a vampire populous district. Apart from being the primary leader of the vampires, Korsakoff was the representative of our district- District ‘V’. Our districts were named after alphabets post the great Pandemic to make things simpler. 

Living in a vampire populous district didn’t mean that our streets were always teeming with vampires. The Dusk sect vampires here were pretty well-behaved & had great respect for their human neighbors. While the Shadow sect, just minded their own business with limited interaction. The Blood ATMs were available in plenty. It was all roses and sunshine or at least it seemed so for a kid my age. 

Our neighborhood in particular was mostly humans. District V had only two middle schools exclusive to humans. That was enough for the human population here. One of them was situated in our neighborhood. 

                                                                          .  .  .


Thank you for reading! Looking forward to feedback. I’ll let my readers decide what the title of this story should be. I promise that this won’t be the same old same old <3  

Chapter 2 is up! Read it here- https://simily.co/all-stories/indianawilde/an-untitled-vampire-dystopian-chapter-2/

Recommended2 Simily SnapsPublished in Fantasy, Fiction, Paranormal, Romance

Responses

  1. I enjoy it so far! In terms of feedback, it feels like a preface rather than chapter 1. Perhaps consider that? Or else use a narrative technique to make this part of the story – like the main character could be telling this to someone, and the details about vampires coming out of hiding could emerge in conversation so that it is not all ‘told’ to the reader. Hope that helps!

  2. Your short piece is a nice idea, which could become an interesting story. However, it feels like an outline of an idea rather than a first chapter.

    You tend to quickly jump from one point to the next with little context.

    For example, who is telling this story? Who is the audience of the story from the perspective of the character speaking? It feels like they are relaying the information directly to the reader as if the reader is an active participant in the story.
    As Jon Danskin said, have a character tell all of this to another character and not tell it to the reader. In essence, try to show more rather than tell.

    “Apparently, the vampires were a dying race. Dying but powerful enough. Data & Census had always been precious to the human government and Korsakoff was offering data about a highly-feared community. Or at least it seemed so.” An example of jumping from one point to the next with little context. What’s the link between telling us that vampires are a dying race and humans’ interest in data collection?

    There are also some grammatical errors.

    I hope that this helps in some way.
    Keep up the excellent work! It was a fun little piece to read.
    If I can be of any assistance, please, feel free to contact me.

    All the best,
    Ben