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Please Slow Down – Carol 51

[Transcript taken from recording of victim in her living room, towards the end of the iteration. It is theorized that she was praying to some unknown religious figure, seemingly the world itself.]

Uhm, hi there,

I’ve never really done something like this before, so I’m not sure how exactly to start this. My name is Carol, I’m a sophomore in college, and I’m 21 years old.

I’ve never been into religion, or any sort of higher being belief kinda thing, but I’ve always had a bit of a feeling in the back of my mind that the world was the cause of everything around me, for better or for worse, so it felt nice to have something to complain to whenever hardships came.

But… Now I’m here, complaining straight to what I think is the source of my hardships recently, and I’m only praying to you like this because I really, really need your help.

And I get it, it’s the cliché ‘never talk to the higher being until you need their help’ sort of deal, but I’ve been feeling like you’ve been watching and listening to me complain about you before anyway, so talking to you directly should just be showing how desperate I am, if anything.

Essentially, I’m asking you to just… slow everything down for me.

When I say, I don’t mean like actually slowing down time, that sounds way too out there. What I mean is just, give me more time to do things, to think, to figure things out, and to live my life the way I want to. Recently, I haven’t felt like I’ve had time to do anything, with college, work, fucked up sleep schedules, and friends to keep up with, it feels impossible to be me and feel like I have time to myself a lot.

I just want things to slow themselves down, deadlines to be stretched just a bit longer, assignments be assigned a day later than usual, and work to be just an hour less every day. That would be enough for me to feel more like myself, and less stressed I guess. Even just one of those would probably help tremendously, since I constantly feel like I’m being weighed down by all of them.

If you can, just please do it as soon as possible. My semester just started but I already feel like I’m going to fail, and it scares me. I don’t want to have to retake all of these classes again, I don’t have the money to. You don’t have to let me know anything, just get it done and I’ll be forever in your debt. Thank you in advance.

~~~

Hello again world,

It’s been a couple of weeks, and midterms are coming up soon, and I was wondering why things haven’t slowed down yet. Hell, to be honest, it almost feels like you’ve been speeding things up even more just to spite me.

My assignments have gotten lengthier and lengthier, and with tests to study for, classes to attend, and several night shifts to work, it’s gotten harder and harder to get them all done. I had to stay up until 4 AM for the past couple of days to get my homework done, just to wake up at 8 AM to get more of them to do, and it’s starting to take a toll on me, because whenever I’m not doing homework or going to work, I’m napping to try and keep myself awake enough to do the next thing.

I’m trapped in this endless loop and I feel like it’s going to get worse before the next break, so I’m asking you again to please just slow things down for me. If this is your doing, things getting even worse, then congrats, you got your laugh, now please fix this.

I don’t want to have to drop out because I couldn’t handle all of this, since that would just make me look bad in front of my friends. They all seem to be doing just fine, so I don’t want to look like the weak one compared to all of them. I guess I already look weak, since I’m asking for your help, but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t fix this endless loop by myself, so please, just throw me a bone here and help me out a little bit. Thank you in advance.

~~~

I’m… I’m at my wits end here.

I haven’t had any sleep in the last week, because I’ve been working on all of my different final projects. They all got assigned on the same day, and they’re all due tomorrow.

I got some of the harder ones done, but I feel like I’m about to pass out at any moment. I don’t even know why I’m wasting my time talking to you, you haven’t done anything to help me yet, and I’m stuck here in my house frantically trying to get everything done on time, while still going to work to get the money I need to pay for the classes that are killing me.

If I can get everything done though, then I don’t have to worry about anything for the next month. I can just sleep, and forget that any of this even happened. Then I have to do it all over again for another semester. The same endless cycle of sleepless nights and constant stress. The only thing I can hope for is that maybe you’ll make this next one easier on me. It’s a pretty hollow hope, but it’s all I have to keep me moving forwards.

I have to write three more paragraphs, write another paper on why fossil fuels disappearing is going to destroy the world, and I have to study for my chem final that’s tomorrow. If all goes well, I can move these classes away from me and sleep in for a month. No thanks to you.

~~~

I failed all but one of my classes.

I think…I think I’m done.

I’m gonna go home now, I feel like I would belong there better than here. Hopefully no one misses me, because even if they do, I’m still going home regardless. I’m doing this for myself, to make me feel better, and to finally get some good sleep.

Yeah, some good sleep sounds nice right about now.

I just need to take enough of these melatonin pills to get me home and sleep tonight.

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