Tormentum

sitting in this quiet space
the air enters my nostrils
my lungs slowly expanding

I feel a calm wash over me

holding my rose quartz
loosely in my right hand
the air softly expelling

only this moment exists

focusing on the rise
and fall of my chest
each rib a reminder of life

I know this is a gift

peace is what I came for
my mind has been wandering
and now it is too late

her presence is palpable

this place is no longer sacred
an invasion of epic proportions
an unwanted addiction

but her entry is sanctioned

my eyelashes moistening
my heartbeat increasing
am I at fault for welcoming her?

gradually the room darkens

as it did that harrowing night
my brothers and me
her vicious adult nephew

the calm escapes me

a flood of tears falling
a throat choked with anger
my vessel is overwhelmed with pain

give your soul solace, Lola

sordid thoughts replace the hurt
an end to her mockery
a passage to another world

a simple solution awaits

an existence aborted
assuaging all suffering
leaving only remnants of me

why can’t I behold the light?

but to cease my breath
would be a cowardly release
that mami becomes the victor

I vow to fight ‘til her death

the quivering subsiding
my grip on the crystal
a reminder that I exist

still, I am far from healed

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