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The Heat is On, America: The Melting Pot Becomes A Melting Pot

So you think that we’ve passed the point of the heatwave? You think it’s now a time to let out a sigh? You think because gas prices have come down about 0.50 cents that everything is going to be fine? WELL, YOUR WRONG. It’s gonna get even hotter. So hot that the devil will be running back in the house to chill underneath the nearest ac vent.

We are burning up on the outside as well as in. Our infrastructures are crumbling on a daily basis. Streets ain’t pave with no gold but they got a boatload of pot holes that will have you at front door of the nearest stealership. Oops I mean dealership. Sure, everything will be cool once you get that 2300 dollar bill for front end work. Houses are setting and I can hear the Olshan truck backing up in your driveway right now as I type. I can see the cracks in your walls and halls. I can hear you struggling to properly latch that door. That’s 12 stacks right there. That means 12,000 US dollars, Einstein right out of your pocket into the contractors’.

Oh and don’t forget about that roof. Your home is now 30 years old and you haven’t even thought about having it checked out. Not until, you’re up late and night because you can’t sleep and all of a sudden you hear, drip, drip, drip drip. ALLLLLLL down your walls. ALLLLL down your floor. I guess you didn’t weatherman to tell you that it was going to rain that night because you can see it for yourself. DAYUM son!!!!! That’s about 10 grand right there.

Ya see, now I got you sweating. Now I got your undivided attention. Oh and I did mention that ran-down fence you got out in the back that’s at least 25 years old and it’s leaning harder then a wino on St. Paddy’s Day. Don’t forget about that termite problem. That fence is literally hanging on by a needle and thread. If a shitzu sneezed on it, I bet you that thing would come down like a sack of laundry from a college kids’ dorm room.

I know you all own a vehicle too. I bet you got one of those high powered gas guzzlers. You know the kind of vehicle where it takes darn near a mortgage payment to fill up at the pump so you can get out on those streets. The same beaten, pot holed riddled streets. And what about the AC? The home ac AND the car ac! You know those things always go out when you need them the most. Ahhh there goes another 5000 plus another 850. Is it hot enough for you yet?! Well, let’s turn up the temp to 1,000 degrees farenheit then.

You feel that? You feel it? You don’t feel that wisdom tooth throbbing at the gumline. That’s a trip right there to Dr. Isaacy Yankem DDS but he can’t see you until next Friday so you gotta keep popping Advil like it’s Skittles to numb the pain. (Caution: Please make sure to follow Advil’s dosage recommendations on the bottle of the aspirin. DO NOT EXCEED THE RECOMMENDED DOSAGE)

Oh and I was talking about those badly built roads occupied by drivers who couldn’t drive even if they lives depended on it. You come across one of those big nails from one of these “major” construction projects, that they have no business doing because we overcrowded as it is, and it ends up in one of your tires. That’s 200 bucks there. You’re shelling out money like these owners are giving these athletes right about now.

Don’t forget about the kiddies!!!! You know school is just around the corner. You know they’re going to be decked out in the lastest trendy gear. I haven’t even talk about those who go children in college. No matter whether they’re staying in a dorm or an apartment, when they get in to a tight bind, and they will, who are going to turn to to help them out of it. Looking around. Yeah, I see you over trying to duck this uncomfortable conversation. Yes sir-ree BOB. It’s going to fall right on your slouching shoulders.

I’m forgetting something. I know that I am. Oh yes. FOOD!!!! You gotta eat to live right as does your wife and the remaining chaps (that’s a forgotten slang that means children) have to eat as well. I’m pretty sure your family is going to want to go out as well. No, they just don’t want red beans and rice. They want a nice, juicy steak. A baked potato with all the fancy trimmings. Corn on the cob all from Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.

They be charging an arm, a leg, a kidney and spleen for them steaks I heard. And what’s a fancy dinner like that without a few exquisite beverages. Pours a glass of that Chardonnay as I watch you squirm a little more in your seat. Swigs it around. Smells its aroma. As I take a sip. Check please and put it on this fool’s tab.

I think I made you sweat enough. I think you catch my drift. I could’ve kept going. I didn’t mention the rising crime rate, rising homelessness, rising hopelessness and rising unemployment. Everything’s on the rise accept your bank account. Stuff so bad that you might start laughing to keep from crying. Did I mention the fact that you’re getting older. I see grey hairs in your beard. Your hairline is receding. Your back is jacked up. You have a chiropractor on speed dial. I can hear the ching, ching sound after every phone call.

Your mama and your papa told you that there would be days like this and to enjoy being a kid while you can because it can go by faster then Mclaren. Well, you’re paying the cost to be the boss but would do you have to show for it really. One of those mcmansions that could get foreclosed on any day because I just saw that note on your gate, buddy. You might want to take a look at that.

Well, you might not have a house anymore but you have your wife. Shaking my head. Forget the Chardonnay; You need a shot of Jack Black and a pat on the back now. Well, things ain’t all bad. You still got your daughter, Lucy, who’s pure and innocent. Wait, what is this pregnancy test doing in the trash. And what do these two blue lines mean? LUCYYYYY uuuuu got same xplain’ to dooooo.

Recommended1 Simily SnapPublished in Opinion Piece, Personal Narrative, Satire