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You Don’t Have to be a People-Pleaser. How to Say How You Really Feel

Have you spent most of your life agreeing with what someone else says regardless of the way you feel? Your values matter just as much, and learning how to express them won’t hurt you or make you lose friends or opportunities.

Do you think you are only valued when you say “yes” to something? That could be a major mistake affecting everything you do.

People appreciate it when you stand up for something that you care about. They might not share your opinion, but it’s definitely more useful to take a stance than to be forever neutral.

Pleasing won’t get you where you want

If you keep on linking connections by constantly pleasing other people, you could even lose track of who you are and what you want to achieve. Keep to your path and focus on meaningful connections.

The people who belong in your network will be there even when you express a view they haven’t thought of or that they don’t share.

In the end, having a personality takes guts

A people-pleaser rarely gets noticed, and sometimes they will end up being criticized if they agree too soon and without thinking things through.

You are not there to support points of view that have nothing to do with your own. Be brave and say what you mean; the positive reaction might surprise you.

Here is how you can start sharing your genuine feelings beginning today:

1. In conversations, listen to all sides before you decide what arguments appeal to you

Even if you agree with something, explain your personal view and add details that show you truly listened and filtered what you heard.

2. Take out “yes” from your first reply

It might be a reflex, but it’s not a useful one. Avoid saying “yes” to anything too soon. Take at least a few minutes to think about the issue at hand and come up with pros and cons before you get onboard.

3. Smile and use kind words when you explain how you feel

No, you don’t have to apologize for feeling a certain way. However, it’s worth talking about it positively.

4. Don’t argue against other opinions

Stating your view is fine, but don’t turn a talk into a fight. It’s ok to feel strongly about something as long as you realize you can’t make anyone share your ideas. If you want your opinion to be accepted, be ready to accept what others believe is right.

None of us holds the absolute truth; it’s empathy and mutual understanding that keep us connected. Families and friendships won’t split due to a difference of opinion as long as respect and affection come first.

So, give up on being a people-pleaser, but keep kindness and goodwill close. You will need them in your next talk!


© 2022 Amy Christie

Photo credit: Pexels


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