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The Easter Egg Hunt

“Are you ready for Easter”? the grocery store greeter asked, assuming we celebrated Easter.

“No”, came my reply, which was true because I am never truly “ready” for any special occasion.

My wife and I did, however, plan to buy a few special items to help us mark Easter as a celebration of rebirth and spring.

I had preregistered my Easter requests with my wife to be included in the weekly shopping lists.

My first request was for shrimps, (usually only allowed at Christmas) and the second was for cream filled chocolate Easter eggs (C.F.C. E.E.)- only allowed at Easter.

( in my book, they are the creme del a creme of Easter eggs).

My wife specified that I was only allowed two large C.F.C.E.E.s. this year.

(If I was a good egg).

However, the first Easter purchase we actually made was a springtime plant.

My wife picked out a beauty from a pulchritudinous cluster of potted hyacinths.

The lady in charge of the flower power section of the grocery store said,

“Good choice, Its fragrance will fill your house.” She assumed we lived in a house.

Oh good, I thought, An asthma attack during an Easter long weekend is always fun.

If someone asks me if I enjoyed Easter I may say, “It literally took my breath away.”

Although there was a trinity of bulbs in our hyacinth pot, we named the flower collective, “Our Hyacinth” after the BBC “Keeping Up Appearances”.

https://keepingupappearances.fandom.com/wiki/Hyacinth_Bucket 

The next store we went to was less upscale and less expensive which was reflected in the inclusion of the word basics in its name.

There we found packages of 31-40 frozen shrimp for $5.99- a real deal.

However, after looking in all the sections of the store featuring sauces, we couldn’t find the shrimp cocktail sauce.

We eventually returned to the shrimp section and spied a few bottles of the secretive sauce which we originally did not see there. We now also know where all the other exotic sauces are displayed in the store, usually in places you would not expect.

Our search for C.F.C.E.E.s. proved fruitless.

The eggs had beaten us.

It looked like it was going to be an Easter eggless celebration this year.

When we got home from shopping, I thought “Our Hyacinth” needed watering.

Apparently, it did not, as most of the leaves and stems drooped shortly after I watered it.

I googled hyacinths and it seems they don’t like “getting their feet wet”. Who knew?

The plants recovered somewhat, but the weight of their clustered blooms caused the stems to bend. We propped them up with metal Kabob skewers (never used).

It gave the impression of little drunks leaning on lamp posts, doused in strong perfume/aftershave wearing green outfits and large flower-covered Easter bonnets.

(my wife says they looked more like they were wearing floral petal ladies’ bathing caps)

A Most Eggcellent Mini Adventure

Later in the afternoon, I received an automated call saying my prescription was ready at our local pharmacy.

This would also allow me to continue my Easter egg hunt, I thought.

Who would have guessed that my quest for the elusive C.F.C.E.E.s. would be revived.

A sign on the outside window of the drug store stated that the store owners would appreciate if masks were worn to protect everyone.

The pandemic is not over even if people believe it is.

As I passed through two sets of sliding glass doors, I was greeted by our favourite cashier, the drug store’s gatekeeper Katherine, whom I dubbed “Katherine the Great.”

Her till is near the entrance, so when she saw me she loudly exclaimed, “Hi, How Are Ya?!

Then she frowned.

“Are you here by yourself? she asked.

“Yes, I answered. My better half only lets me out on special occasions.”

Like during last Christmas’ “Finding the Fruitcake Fiasco” I thought.

Katherine smiled, knowing my wife and I usually shop together in the store.

I headed toward the pharmacy at the back of the store.

This time my transactions there happened without incident.

When I returned to the front of the store, I began my Easter egg hunt in earnest as if I was searching for a $33 million Faberge egg.

I headed toward the stand-alone display of Easter treats near the store’s entrance.

Profiles of chocolate bunnies stared at me with one permanently open brown eye.

(white chocolate bunnies were an invisible minority)

Lots of Easter eggs of different sizes were displayed, however, no C.F.C.E.E.s. were to be found.

I tried to avoid an unmasked lady who also had approached the stand from the opposite side.

We did a little Raptors basketball player-like dance moving from side to side trying not to collide.

She finally said, “Sorry sir”, and moved out of the way.

I felt like a long-suffering Rodney Dangerfield finally getting some respect.

Another display I checked, only yielded some hollow Kinder chocolate Easter eggs. I was tempted to buy some, but something held me back.

Just then, Katherine The Great seemed to sense someone was wandering in the store’s windowless north side wilderness in need of assistance.

Katherine’s head stretched up like a prairie dog or meerkat looking for danger.

I knew she spotted someone when she asked “Can I help you, sir? as she headed or it seemed more like she glided toward the stranger.

A man whom I did not see yelled out,” I need water”!

“What kind of water”? Katherine asked. Perrier!, he yelled back.

I surmised that this man was sent out on a mission, likely by his spouse, for a very specific task, at which he was failing.

I was also failing at my task, so I finally asked Katherine The Great for help in hunting for the elusive chocolate cream filled Easter eggs.

She left her post and glided toward a candy section in the middle of the store that I had missed.

I pointed out that there were also some Easter eggs in the lower display in front of a till but she said, “Not there”! with irritation in her voice.

She checked a few more locations and said,” Most of the eggs you are looking for were probably sold on the weekend” implying, you idiot you should have come in earlier.

Always the doubting Thomas, I searched again in an area she had proclaimed was C.C.F.E.E. free.

That’s when I spied a small bag of Cadbury chocolate cream filled mini Easter eggs

(Blessed by the Archbishop of Cadbury if some posts on Twitter are to be believed) .

I strode triumphantly to Katherine’s till and tried to pay for my treasure, but my credit card would not respond to the tap procedure on the payment terminal.

Another hurdle to prevent me from claiming my prize I thought. Katherine looked down at me smiling from her perch behind the till and wall of protective pandemic plastic.

I then inserted my credit card into the terminal with so much vigour, I almost knocked it over. (I think I may have sworn slightly, but I’m not sure).

The payment worked. I went out, got into my car, and with my precious eggs beside me on the passenger seat, I tuned in to CBC radio.

The announcer stated that there was a recall of chocolate Easter Eggs in Canada due to possible salmonella contamination.

My Easter egg hunt was not meant to be successful, I concluded.

However, the radio announcer went on to provide more detail explaining that the likely fouled Easter eggs were of the Kinder brand.

(I would not be inclined to be kind to the Kinder company if I had eaten one of their Easter Eggs and got sick) .

The mini Easter eggs are now nestled in a small glass bowl on our counter. Their numbers are dwindling although I have only had one.

Recommend0 Simily SnapsPublished in Adventure, All Stories, Humor, Non-Fiction, Satire

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