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TSA: We Love to See You Suffer

Rizzo trembled, facing the metal detector. A cold sweat broke out on his skin. Don’t

worry, you’ve nothing to be scared of, he thought, hoping he could pass the scanner without

them finding out about the cocaine sewn into his jacket.

Besides, they’ll probably frisk the Arabs instead, he thought, they’ll shake down Osama

bin Laden before they shake down a white drug dealer like me down.

He entered the doorframe, an orphan without its door. Rizzo braced for the warning siren

to go off. Rizzo heard nothing, not the buzz of the detector or the TSA agent saying “Sir, may I

ask you a few questions?” He breathed a sigh of relief and walked forward. A woman dripping

with gold and silver jewelry bumped into him. Her ring snagged on a loose thread. She said,

“Oh! I’m so sorry!”

“It’s nothing.” He said, unusually polite. The woman walked off without saying another

word. Rizzo stared at her butt, admiring it.

A bland but firm female voice spoke, “Sir, could you please come with me?”

Rizzo looked to the TSA agent gazing at him, trying to hold back her smug smile as she

pointed to his jacket. He glanced down to see a hole, the cocaine spilling out onto the floor.


The woman acted as if she didn’t notice the commotion outside, walking into the ladies

restroom, scanning around to see that no one was there. She pulled out a cell phone and dialed a


“Sheila here, I made sure to ‘bump’ into Rizzo so the TSA would arrest his ass. I can’t

believe it was so easy!” she gloated, “That’ll teach him not to skim money from us. So the deal’s

on tonight?” Sheila asked before ending the call.

“This calls for a little celebration.” She said to herself. She walked into one of the stalls

and locked the door. The woman stood face to face at the toilet and took off her gold heart

earrings. She put the toilet lid down, squatted, and opened up her earrings.

Two small hills of powder soon appeared. The woman fished out a dollar bill, rolled it up

tight and snorted.

The End

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