Growing… Together
[Photo credit: Thom Bradley via Burst] In this long corridorI work to giveMy understanding of what it meansTo live.We coexist, cohabitate here.And I know not…
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[Photo credit: Thom Bradley via Burst] In this long corridorI work to giveMy understanding of what it meansTo live.We coexist, cohabitate here.And I know not…
Cover photo credit: Espen Brett via Burst I’m strolling through the valley at sunset,The waning light a warm, glowing pinkReflected back by the mountains to…
Cover photo credit: Espen Brett via Burst
I’m strolling through the valley at sunset,
The waning light a warm, glowing pink
Reflected back by the mountains to the east.
The valley basks in the friendly hue,
The glow warming it to its core.
As the sun sets, so does the warmth.
The shadows begin to creep.
As I see the light fading,
I begin to appreciate the light,
And look forward to when it comes back.
As I read over your words to me,
I can only hope there’s a sunrise that warms you back to me.
But I know this could be the last of your light as I watch it go.
Not sure if the memory of you is a gift or a curse.
Whether it’s better to have not loved at all or this.
To know there was a possibility,
But you decided it couldn’t work.
I find myself here in the valley flirting with the shadows instead.
I blame you for the dark.
We started up on the mountain,
Looking down on the world around us.
We saw our past mistakes and a beautiful possibility together,
But it was blindingly bright,
Too good to be true.
I’m not sure if it’s better to be blinded by light
Or succumb to being lost in the dark.
Either way, two extremes,
And I can’t seem to find my way out of either.
I seem to be caught in a nauseating, vacillating arc.
The memory of how you felt towards me
Is a farce, I know.
A feeling based on false perception.
What we both wanted to see,
And neither view was built on truth.
In this liminal valley,
I dance like a candle flame,
Playing alone with the light and shadow in the alley.
I know in my soul I need to be alone,
But my fool-addled heart says otherwise.
I know,
I know.
All good things must come to an end.
Some sooner than they begin.
I need to be grounded,
Get my head out of the clouds,
Come back home to the valley.
Well, I’m here.
Back to Earth.
As low as I can be,
Indolently calculating my next steps.
I look to the mountain in the east,
Still hoping for a sunrise.
The hope that much sweeter,
But so bitter to cling to.
I’ve come to find,
Light means more at night in the valley.
It carries a deeper meaning.
The sun peeking over the crest
Is the sweetest shade I’ve ever seen.
I just hope I’m here to see it in the morning,
Here in the valley.
Your smile’s like the sunrise,
Or what I remember of it anyway.
Oh, the rosy glasses of remembered romance.
Much like that sunrise.
…Or even the sunset, for that matter.
I say these things in the hope you can hear me,
And maybe feel this way too.
Maybe my spark can rekindle a flame,
But who am I kidding?
I’m remembering shadows on a wall,
And not a true source.
Was there a source?
A building combustion that suffocated out before it began,
Or just a transient shadow thrown out of smoldering anger, loneliness?
I can’t tell.
They’re all similar hues on the same spectrum.
And here in my little cave, I’m color blind.
Maybe we were just drawn together out of
Something like a kindred dislike.
You know,
Like in A Farewell to Arms.
We’re all walking through the cave in the dark.
Some of us are lucky enough to bump into one another and hold hands,
And both blindly look for a way out.
At least we wouldn’t be alone.
The moon hangs above,
A reflection and reminder of the day.
But it just throws shadows through the valley,
An entity of its own.
Was any of this real?
Was there ever really a shot?
I took a shot and bared soul,
But now I’m left with a void.
Something I’ve been trying to avoid.
Seeing is a lie.
There is no such thing.
Just the courage to keep searching,
Albeit, in the dark.
No torch, flame, flicker, light, sunset, or sunrise will save me (us).
It’s merely false hope.
Shedding light onto something only deepens and throws the shadow further.
Maybe you’ll see this, and it will spark a realization.
This light I shine out into the dark.
Maybe you’ll see it and be called over.
But hell, likely not.
I can’t say how this ends,
But I can venture a guess.
We’re playing hide and seek in the dark.
But you’re the only one hiding,
And I’m the only one seeking.
I think we’re veering apart in opposite exponential curves
With just a line delineating the difference between
Positive and negative infinity.
We’ve already passed our point of intersection.
Two photons in the dark matter.
I hope we’re linked in quantum entanglement,
And you just don’t know it yet.
But I guess I’ll see you when we’re both out of the cave.
These are just feelings.
And I can’t seem to make up my mind if
They’re the only thing that’s real,
Or the biggest lie of all.
As I’m lying in a valley
Throwing metaphorical noodles at a wall.
The light has shifted to shades of bleak gray
As I fade
Into the ether.
I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.
I thought I was being direct before,
But I wasn’t.
I didn’t say anything of weight,
And now I’m doomed to wait.
This pivotal marring of misunderstanding,
They could note it on my tombstone.
I shouldn’t wait.
I need to hoist anchor and seek a new harbor,
Only after a long voyage at sea
Where I test my weight in salt against the current.
I’ll likely just end up lost at sea again.
I’m thinking cyclically.
This, a pastiche of my own work.
I’m trapped in the eddy,
Proverbially circling the bowl.
But you, you’re not real.
You won’t engage on a “real” level.
I’m “too much.” My head is “in the clouds.”
Your loss. My loss.
We’re both at a loss.
“In my own little universe.”
“Out of touch with reality.”
Why should I live miserably like the rest of you?
I can have a little bit of magic,
And be responsible too.
"Have my cake and eat it too."
As with most things,
It’s a matter of having the correct grounding,
Leverage,
Heart,
And… who the f*ck actually knows?
These arbitrary feelings I have toward you
Have nothing to do with you
And only to do with me.
Definitely, nothing based on reality.
Your shadow, this fictitious image I hold of you,
Can be friends with my shadow.
The shadow of forsaken possibility is the darkest of all.
His twin, cowardice.
Harsh, I know.
Look at that.
The moon is gone.
I don’t know why we call it New when it isn’t even there.
No reflection, no feedback.
Radio silence.
But in the stillness is a peace.
For me to retrieve my pieces
That I’ve lost over time.
I’m not the person I need to be for me,
So how could I have expected this to work out?
Who could I possibly be to you? For you?
I’m a shadow of who I’m meant to be;
I was stagnant for almost a decade.
It’s time to find my flow again.
Find my buried, stifled spark to lead the way.
And if that leads me back to you,
It will be the happiest day.
I can only hope for my spark to ignite
Another blushing sunrise with you.
Is a rose still a rose by any other …whatever?
Yes and no.
I think you’re either taking from it or adding to it.
More distortion in a sea of ripples.
Let's quit throwing rocks in the pond.
But throw rocks at the sky?
Now that’s a worthwhile endeavor.
Let’s break things.
Is it glass?
It is?
Great, let’s shatter it.
But I realize I need to shatter this alone.
It’s purely my burden to bear.
The soul chip on my shoulder
That I need to knock off.
I'm off to write my novel
And show you what [would have been]
Possible.
-Noelle Beauregard
If you happened to love what you read, coffee is my love language: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/noellebeau
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