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I have an early memory clipping the roses in my mother’s garden. I would sneak the shears out from her basket of tools, cut shapes…
1. First, you’re going to need an earth-shattering, cataclysmic event. Bacteria from Space can’t come from nowhere after all. The steps that must occur prior…
1. First, you’re going to need an earth-shattering, cataclysmic event. Bacteria from Space can’t come from nowhere after all. The steps that must occur prior to such circumstances are precise and specific, as you will have to be. It takes a lot to become something you aren’t, and preparation is necessary in order to achieve the desired result. Which is, if you forget, becoming a vessel for alien microbes to house themselves inside of. Such a comforting thought, is it not?
a. The events can be anything as follows: a space debris collision, an upheaval and/or explosion from hidden government facility, any and all meteorites, and the cracking of our space stations, littering the atmosphere with what samples they have collected.
b. The bacteria differs as well, you imagine. There can’t only be two types of life in the universe. The glow differs. Blue is typical, less than the neon green depicted in horror sci-fi films that once dominated media after the first filmographs of such beings were recorded. The colors range as follows from most common to least common: white, puce, blue, green, orange, amber, raspberry, opalescent, transitory (non-stationary.)
2. You will need a body. A person who takes up physical space. Your body MUST already be housed in this plane of existence. Inter-planar travel often causes differences in genetic makeup, and we cannot account for such inconsistencies regarding the effects of radiation. We cannot guarantee that you will experience the same satisfactory results by following this guide IF you are of any other manifestation of the heart, soul, or spectrum of emotions- these guidelines are for Terra-born homo Sapiens. There is no regard for race, gender, or personality within the constraint of species. All that matters is your present physical form.
2a. Which, as a note, you should be in your peak condition. However your body shape manifests, be that shape at your most able. It is easier for microbes to utilize your tissues that way. Even if you have physical disabilities- it all is a place for these interstellar microorganisms to rest. It will be used to its utmost ability, regardless of prior discomforts this body has caused you in the past.
3. Haven’t you ever wanted to have a home? It’s so impermanent as our singular species. We can fight and struggle and cry and scream- and still, home dissipates. It moves, it is eradicated, it cheats on us. Why not become the home? Why not be what you deserve, for yourself and all others?
4. Proximity is key. You are going to need to be near the site of destruction. Current research recommends a maximum of 17.825 feet, which requires an exactness and timing that would otherwise be statistical impossibility. Thankfully, you have resources at your disposal. Be sure to consult your cards, your data tables (with information we cannot provide, but wish you luck on locating through other more secure channels) and your local oracle to be sure that you are near to the event.
a. All aside, should you manage to place yourself close to such an event of contact, know that not all astronomic events have bacteria clinging to it, internally or externally. It might take a few tries, but should you continue to have reliable sources, (which we do NOT condone interrogating oracles, government officials, or doomsday preachers, but all may be sources if utilized amicably) luck should not be the only stick in your back pocket.
5. You must be dissatisfied with your current standings on life. People who want this are not the type of people currently fulfilled. This is a deep, intentional change you must foster deep, down to an atomical level. If you are not prepared to cut ties, you are NOT ready to become. If you are friendless, estranged from family, no longer a productive member of society, no longer finding joy in life, turning to the most self-destructive of thoughts but clinging to the ideals of radical hope and so on- we want YOU. We want your body, or they want your body. If you are still a person who wants this, be sure that you want all of it before proceeding wholeheartedly. There are no half-measures with alien life. There are no half-measures with meteorites. Either you die, or you live.
6. Wait for your moment. Chance is the gambit you don’t want to lose. You are going against mathematics, statistics, and any/all forms of other divine intervention. There is no intervention, though. Just you, and all the ways you can do this to yourself. Life is your own, after all. Free will is a terrifying concept when you put it into practice. You can just do anything, like wait for a meteor impact to instill a molecular change in your biosystems to the point of exaltation. So you wait.
7. And you wait.
8. When it comes, it will hurt. When it comes, it will change you, and you will die, but first it must hurt. You must let it burn through you. It does not matter how close you are. Those 17.825 feet are very important, only because it keeps you dead long before you experience everything else. Death hurts but changing hurts more. You will do both.
a. But don’t you want a family? Don’t you want to house something beautiful? Unseen? Unpredicted? Don’t you want to know what it’s like to make something of yourself, something no one else has?
b. It’s coming now. Are you ready? Squeeze your eyes shut. Anticipation will make it worse, your muscles tensing for a gunshot or a prick on the finger but so much worse. You will hear it perhaps before you see it if your eyes are shut. Hope that your eyes are shut. It will be the last sound you hear. Now, now, now.
9. Impact effects may range from earthquakes that leave your legs wobbling, to third and forth degree burns, to being knocked prone with various debris (detritus, bedrock, cars, sprinkler systems) whipping around and through you- all in no particular order. Carnage is a vicious thing. If one thing doesn’t kill you the other thing will. If this is a true event, then the radiation will come for you next.
a. Feel your atoms separate. Actually, let’s go back. Die. Actually, let’s go back.
b. The science is wonky, even with our findings. Witness accounts and survivors can only remember flickers of what it was like, but they do state that despite the fact you are obviously dead you do feel it. Radiation splits your particles to smaller particles, that energy rips through and is your body. This is what it means to die- energy does not die with you- it comes from you. The how is fascinating and can vary. Such is the nature of the unexplained. The results are hard to replicate, and harder to put in data points. It can be an outward, secondary explosion ripping into the landscape post-impact; it could be a puff of smoke, where your body is and then is no longer. Your skin will burn, it will slough off like molt as you are exposed and irradiated thousands of times the safe threshold bodies can withstand within seconds, if you’re unlucky, minutes. Regardless, it will be quick; and regardless, you will be dead. Your cells with deteriorate and will expel from you. This is what it means to be reborn, you first must be husked, and then they will come to you.
10. Let them. It will overwhelm you. They will take your body and what remains- which does depend- but will always be enough. Bacteria is less of a proper word for these microbial organisms. They are no virus either, simply beyond the classifications of life we have built for those housed on this planet. They are complex. We have yet to observe them properly. All hulls that become homes never wish to stay long, after all. There is light to be harvested, and they wish not to move your tongues in ways that we can communicate with. You will be beyond us, and we will have to live with those consequences. From what we do know, it goes like this:
Most often, these organisms emerge from the crater, from the cracks of their once-functional transport, and colonize your wounds first. They will feast on your ligaments, they will travel your bloodstreams, or the veins and capillaries now dry and emitting a faint glow. They will nest inside of what was your lungs, in what was your esophagus. (We have found these creatures love a mouth.) Ways of respiration are unknown, or even if you need to. This is dependent on the strain, condition of microbes, and even their point of origin. But after hosting inside, rebuilding your capillaries, you will begin to move again. What organs prove useful will be remade and rerouted for production. This process takes hours, sometimes days. You will be awake for most of it. Dying was the easy part, you see. Coming back is more complicated.
When building a house, one must understand that the house must be made with something. What resources they conjure up does not come from nothing. You must be taken to be remade. It is a noble thing to be chosen. While it truly is chance, they will be demanded to choose you. They will gift you with boundless energy, reflexes, and strength beyond natural human capabilities. What afflicted you before will still be there, but it will not matter. You will have warmth inside you. It will reflect off your inner walls, and reformed bones, it will bounce off after the microbes first make it occur, beginning their closed off terrarium of photosynthesis inside of you. And you will live.
The glow spreads now. It will project out of your eyes, out of any breaks in your skin. The hue is different per-revival, per-renewal, but your consciousness will buzz alight with new synapses. You will hear them. Outside of the ring of your ears, the soft song you know not the origin of, but the story they sing will not matter. That color they give you pushes outward, reflecting off of your surroundings. Be it salt flat, suburban abandoned lawns, open mouthed parking garage, desert plateau, or alpine forests- they will drink you in all the same. You, the color that houses itself inside of you. The thing that makes you live for other things. Isn’t it wonderful? Aren’t you grateful? You can feel it now, warm and buzzing, carbonated life, feeling them produce their various chemical and compounds, providing an intimate, perpetual high. Home. Home. Home.
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