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This group is for writers looking to connect, give feedback, and find writers willing to read their work. Information regarding formal feedback sessions will be posted in this group.
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Does this scene make sense?
(Father sending Daughter off to school, misses when she was little, notices she’s stressed and trying too hard to be adult, decides to calm her down with an old childhood ritual. Also, both are being affected by the absent mother. Does all that come through?)
Setting: VIVIAN ST. GERMAINE running through a bedroom. Sort, orange light filters into the room. The floor is scattered with dolls, toys, clothes and books. There is a half-opened book bag atop tangled, pink booksheets. VIVIAN is in a pink tutu, long pink ribbons streaming down her hair. She is picking up clothes, examining some, tossing some back on the floor or throwing others in the bag. Her dad, JEROME, comes in, blinks.
Vivian? While I know I’ve been telling you to clean your room, it’s pretty early for a Saturday.
VIVIAN stops while holding up a pair of rhine-stone covered jeans, slowly blushing.
JEROME nods, sitting on a chair at the desk.
Is everything alright?
Puts down the jeans. Tugs her ribbon.
I’ve been (Beat) so nervous about starting at the ballet academy that I forgot what day it was.
JEROME opens his arms. VIVIAN, hesitantly, goes and hugs him. JEROME holds her.
You’ve been looking forward to it…but are you sure you’re up to it? You’ve never been away from me and mom and your brother and sister so long.
VIVIAN hops away from him, pouting, offended, putting her hands on her hips.
I am! I totally am!
When you got nervous before performances, I used to rock you in my lap. Seemed to settle you down.
Looks away. Sighs.
I’m too old for that.
Smirking, he picks her up, putting her in his lap.
VIVIAN squirms a bit, then gives up, holding onto his neck as he rocks her.
Laying her head on his chest.
Maybe I’m not too old for this.
Strokes her hair.
I get it, you know. You’re fourteen now, but me and your mom will still be here for you. If (Beat) anything is bothering you.
When is Mom coming back?
JEROME picks her up and sets her down. VIVIAN pouts.
Lays a hand on her shoulder.
We’re (Beat) we’re working things out. You don’t need to worry about it.