The Coffee Shop
The cool air from the air conditioners hit my face, forcing me to take a step away from the heavy glass door with wooden panels…
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The cool air from the air conditioners hit my face, forcing me to take a step away from the heavy glass door with wooden panels…
The cool air from the air conditioners hit my face, forcing me to take a step away from the heavy glass door with wooden panels that led into the quaint and quiet coffee shop. The familiar scent of french vanilla filled my nostrils and calmed my nerves a bit as I prepared for the meeting that I had been anticipating for the better part of the past week.
Would she recognize me? Would she like me? I wondered if I would meet her expectations. There were so many ifs running through my head, the agitation restricted my ability to breathe. I had to wait outside the door for a minute and take a few deep breaths in order to get my head back in the game. A couple walked out of the coffee shop
and I watched them as they clung to each other in a way that implied that they were beyond inseparable, they floated slowly down the street as though they had no care in the world. How could the rest of the world just go around so calmly when I was so close to passing out in this very spot. I cannot believe that I was actually about to meet HER. A pounding heart could never truly describe how tumultuous my whole body felt. My life was about to change and I knew it, my body knew it. That would explain why I couldn’t keep calm.
All these delay tactics would not take away the fact that eventually I would have to walk into that little shop, so I took in my last deep breath, looked at my wide eyes in the window that doubled as a mirror… gosh I was a sight… and opened the door again before I could let the jitters talk me out of even showing up to this meeting at all. I took my first few steps in, determined not to disappoint her.
The familiar scent again flooded my nostrils and I was grateful I had picked this place as our meeting spot. Being where I spent half my time already, it was like my second home and I knew that any other location would have unsettled me more than I already was. I scanned the near scanty space quickly, looking to see if perhaps she had arrived before me and before I could get through the whole room, I saw her in the corner, with the biggest grin on her face and her hands in the palm of a big, friendly looking man who had an equally ridiculous grin.
How could they smile like that? While I am here considering how feasible it would be for me to run back outside before I die of a panic attack. I managed a weak grin and small wave as I walked to their table. On getting there, I was faced with my next challenge. Do I stretch out my hand for a handshake or lean in for a hug? What would be the more appropriate gesture for the first time one would be meeting their biological mother who hadn’t been in their life since they were three years old? Before the confusion could paralyze me, she got up and pulled me in for a hug.
“Hi Sweetie. Welcome. You have no idea how excited we are that you called to have this meeting.” turning to the big friendly man, she said, “This is my husband, Joel. He too has been looking forward to meeting you just as much as I have.” He too got up and gave me a hug that felt strange as it was satisfying.
“Hi, I’m glad you could both make it,” with the same half grin on my face, “thank you for coming.”
She pulled me onto the soft couch next to her, thankfully, because I felt my feet nearly giving up on me. Another deep breath helped me steady my thoughts as I thought desperately of what to say next, but she beat me to it.
“He will not be staying with us for the meeting, instead he will be in the games arcade across the street.” She looked at Mr. Big and friendly as though she almost did not want him to leave. Hmmm… maybe it is possible that she is just as nervous as I was, I thought doubtfully. ‘He just wanted to officially meet you for the first time.”
That took away a little bit of the nerves. At least I would only be forced to confront one stranger today, well, sort of stranger. He planted a kiss on her forehead and whispered something about seeing her later. As he walked out of the store, I noticed the many eyes on me and my mum. It made me shift uncomfortably on the couch, wishing I could sink deep into the spaces between the cushions. I wanted to pretend like I didn’t know the possible reasons for the stares but that would be a lie.
Looking at her, it was like looking at a slightly older version of myself. From our eyes to our skin tones, everything was the same, it made sense that they stared. And right now, I could not even bring myself to return the dagger-like stares I was receiving, something considered to be very out of character for me.
Instead, all I could think about was how it could be possible that I had gone my whole life without once seeing this lady, this lady that held the key to every question I had ever had. Every thought that had plagued me for my entire existence, she would know how to confront. And now that I think about it, I don’t know what concept scares me the most, living my life not knowing where I came from, who I was, or was it who I was supposed to be? Or now being about to live my life knowing everything I had ever wondered, from the first time I possessed the ability to wonder.
“I’m sure you have a lot of questions that you have been dying to ask?” she turned back to me after she had watched Joel walk off the premises. The way they watched and held on to each other reminded me of the couple I had seen walk out the store earlier. I will be honest and say that it is always a little hard for me to believe that anybody is ever truly that much in love. But I just met them, so it is not my place to criticize the lives of these people who have been gracious enough to give me a bit of their time.
“ You are right.” smiling back at her, her calm energy was beginning to rub off on me. Maybe I would like her a little more than I thought. “There are so many things I want to know. But right now, the most important question is, what is your name?”
Her small smile got so much wider and I knew then that she was mine and I was hers. It would be a journey, but we would do it together. And that, at the time, was the only thing that mattered.
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