To dream, create joy, discover our truth, and become a content soul — reflection from a song It has been 13 years since I learned…
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I have full control of the perception and understanding of it
If I can unlearn one thing earlier, it would be: expecting the certainties. Life is supposed to be difficult. But it doesn’t mean I have to choose to suffer. The difficulties are all externals. I have full control of my perception and understanding to see them.
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I thought giving one bread will be replied to by getting one bread. The whole karma and religion view somehow misled me to be naive and thought the world was a perfect place to live. By giving much more than I am capable of, I turned myself into a broken person — who’s later thinking about getting revenge. I wished those people who did wrong to me would suffer their whole lives.
But life does not work that way. Each of us will be responsible for our own life. And the idea to get revenge is totally a waste. The energy should be allocated for something more meaningful for my well-being. What I give today, I must receive something back — sometime, from someone, without expectation. That’s how karma works.
Also, I learned that I can choose if I am willing to give or share. My late professor said the last time we met, “Don’t think about what others told you. How could you give and contribute if you are not happy with your life?”
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It is no different than playing an adventure game back then on PS1. The character fights some little monster initially, then gets more experience level and tools, the map leads her to the next place, and the monster would be stronger than before.
When I finished my bachelor’s study, I felt that I could conquer the world. On the first day at work, I was lost. I had no idea how I could survive the next day. Then I finished my master’s study, I felt that I must be right this time. I can conquer the world. On the first day at work, I was lost.
The mindset doesn’t match the reality I have to face. I have to accept that life is getting more difficult and complex. My job is to educate myself to be more thoughtful and better each day to handle that. I do have a choice to stay with my past standard life. But I do want more. To get more, I have to do more. As simple as Newton’s law, with each action, comes reaction. If I do the same action over and over again, then how am I supposed to expect I got a better reaction or reward from the universe?
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Happiness and success are costly. It requires all the mind, soul, and body to get what we want.
Lately, my happiness goal has been to master stable emotion. With work becoming more demanding each day — I realized I could not keep my old-self-way-of-living to cope. If the job title is about being a senior, the responsibility and expectation would also imply what a senior would do. I have to accept that I have to change. I have to reduce my Netflix time in exchange for reading more books and learning new things to fulfill my responsibilities and grow as a person.
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Through things I have experienced, I have to keep contemplating to see if there is my life purpose behind it. One finding is the most minor purpose: to be kind to people I encounter and share my lessons learned with others. That’s how I can make the world (surrounded me) slightly better by making an impact.
A significant impact would be something like the national heroes who brought our country Indonesia into independence in 1945. Their legacies stay until today: I have total freedom in my life: safety, education, the opportunity to dream big.
I also learned from the loss I experienced from my dear families, friends, teachers, professors. That’s a closer look at how I understand what legacy is. Though they are gone physically, their messages are engraved in my heart. My late high school teacher said the last time we met at a high school graduation, “Be diligent, always learn new stuff.” My late uncle said, “Our family is not perfect, but we can still try to love each other in our way perfectly.”
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Life is supposed to be difficult. But we as human beings are equipped with intelligence and emotions. We have the full control to shape the perception and understanding of our own lives.
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