This is a fun, solid story. Good job describing the characters. Too many times I read stories where I can’t visualize the characters.
I wonder if this would work even better told in first person (from either Jordan or Mike/Brent).
I would’ve liked to have known why Jordan hates her job so much. This could easily be fleshed out into a longer piece if you wanted to. (Back story of Mike/Brent. More bio info on Jordan, etc.)
Write on.

Well, that was some dark shit. Well done!

I felt a bit like I was watching a horror movie, where the viewer knows what is coming and wants to warn the character to pay attention and not make the mistakes you know she’s going to make.

I liked the overall pacing of your story. (Though, the beginning was a bit slow.) It would be hard for someone to read this and feel some strong emotions by the end, which is a good thing.

I’m someone who likes to visualize the characters. With little physical description of either character, it was harder for me to picture them. Or at least knowing why Harris was infatuated with Kelly – was it her beauty or was it that she was vulnerable due to the rental situation or both?

Overall, very good story. Write on!