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Enjoyed! Interesting ending, and reading the follow up comments. Your stories are left open just enough, Robin, where you can wonder what comes next. Does Jordan in fact quit her job, and later he murders her too (yikes!) because don’t dare murder a (working) FBI agent…
or hopefully he just cowers and sneaks away… OR maybe she turns him in, following a later conversation or another clue that points to him as guilty… Thanks for another great read! It seems many of our stories don’t get a lot of reads/views, but I hope you get paying work as well!
Thank you for writing this.
As an avid thriller reader, I really appreciate these tips. I’ts nice to understand death is often a sidebar or even what begins the story; the reason FOR the story! If we just want to get rid of a character because we’re not sure where they are headed, then that is taking the easy way out.
I once plotted a novel that involves the killing of the main character in the end… but I thought that might be too much melancholy; even though this character is the antagonist. Instead, I’ll plan to “kill” the main conflict by showing my protagonist’s arc and growth so that she can then accept the reason why her antagonist acts the way she does. (it’s addiction) The pysical death won’t need to occur, in order to solve the problem or sum up the ending, as I originally thought it might.
Would you consider continuing this story? Perhaps with a follow up (or you could even go prequel). I feel like there is much more here, more exploring you could do. She’s a famous celebrity, yeah, what is she doing on the boat this time? Vacation or a photo shoot? What caused her to get drunk this time ? How many times had she been in rehab before? Is she looking for an escape from her nonprivate life?
What is fun, is that there are a number of directions you could go now… Lyla could wash up on some shore, or being the famous celebrity she is could have used this as faking her own death, the ship’s captain/ rescue crews could search for her. We could gain more insight into her partner… how much he worries about her, regrets about what he said before she fell off the boat, etc., etc. Or — you could go a fantasy route and have her emerge later as a siren…. These are just a few ideas, but I hope you might continue this at some point.
The tidal wave was completely a shock! I would suggest some foreshadowing about that, but (can you tell?) I really liked the story!
Not what I expected. Rated 4.5 only b/c I agree w/ the comment about Kelly being better described. Also, one reader’s question I didn’t feel was answered. She likes to go walking at night in the woods, why?, or was that him? I like the suspense though. Dark. And def creepy! What is your favorite genre to read, curious?
Loved your story! We all remember our school crushes. This line I felt sums the emotion up: “A week earlier, she would have dotted the i’s in “friend” and “Marie” with little hearts. Now they were just dots.”
And, I love that he shows his acceptance, as if Marie signing the year book was evidence of closure for Kenny. (And I love that detail about him intentionally avoiding reading what Bobby signed in the yearbook. Great job. Going to check out your anthology on Amazon now. Vanessa
So this was a preview of a couple novels you’ve written? What a great idea. Very entertaining, agreed with below comments about dialogue; Val is a strong character. Thomas is his opposite, smart, serious, yet kind or at least wanting to help those of the “unlife.” Thanks. I enjoyed the read.
Thanks for sharing this story. I like that the two men talked each other off the ledge, Talked each other back into living. It is interesting that the famous one (Yuri) actually found the significance back in the “no name” man letting him know he’d at least heard of him. What if he hand’t? Would that be Yuri’s last straw? I only ask that because you also kept Yuri in character. He wanted to jump off the bridge because his insignificance came from being unrecognized, which shows an excellent parallel of the world, too, Some of us will be famous, some (most) not. Still, it is a happy read; you left us with a happy ending. Thanks again! Keep wriitng.
Glad that she got away just in time but now the criminal knows where she lives, possibly. Sequel?
Like your title says, wasn’t sure if fact or fiction
Exactly. Can’t sell it until it’s published, haha! I think it’s clever that’s where the writing prompt took you, nice job.
I agree. It’s an interesting concept. Felt dystopian and futuristic. Also, I wanted to know is the screw an allegory for an addiction, or a welcomed escape for an otherwise bleak existence?
Left me wanting more! A character sketch, perhaps? Want to know more about Sandra. Why did Billy smile? He thought she was just helping another churchgoer as she always had, right? Thanks. I’ll have to learn if you have written more installments of this story,or ( I read the previous comments) if you have a novel out. Great work! Enjoyed the world you’ve created.
Love the twist at the end. Patient is dead. Could defintiely continue. Would love to see spirit continue to try to communicate w/ surgeon. Maybe the boy doesn’t yet know he’s dead?
Thank you for writing this.